by Mark Tross
If you are old enough to remember the Partridge Family, you might at least make somewhat of a connection with this one liner or I should say, the first stanza of this Christmas classic, but what does a pear tree really have to do with Christmas? I suppose my first question should have been, who started this twelve days of Christmas thing anyway?
For the past twelve years (no kidding) I have been getting together with family and friends here in New Mexico for a Christmas party, including food, games, gift exchanges and always a 'white elephant’ or 'gag gift’ included, but this year I received the mother of all gifts and it literally made me want to gag! It was not the chocolate covered cherries in the box, which is a Christmas staple, but the little box in the Star Wars bag, which could be a collectors item someday. On the label it says, 'predictable’ and even knowing who it came from (a Weird Al fan), I never saw this coming.
If I gave you twelve days to figure it out on your own, the odds are against you, so let me give you a couple of hints, such as Gentle and Easy-to-Insert. Gentle may conjure up some warm thoughts of The One born in a manger, Who grew into The Man Christ Jesus, that was Meek and Lowly, but no, it was not a Christian Action Figure. Perhaps Easy-to-Insert would make you think of taking Jesus ‘into’ your heart or that this mystery gift needed batteries. On the bright side it is a #1 Recommended Brand* (*Among Stimulant Laxatives). Perhaps I have said too much already and let the cat out of the bag? You guessed it, Dulcolax!
Now EVERYBODY Sing, “On the first day of Christmas, someone gave to me, ‘Comfort Shaped SUPPOSITORIES’!”
It was a good thing that I read the ‘DO NOT SWALLOW’ on the lower right hand corner of the box and the Warnings (on the back of the package): for rectal use only & If pregnant or breast-feeding, ask a health professional before use, because I had not yet had the orange/coconut cake for dessert and would not have wanted to leave the party early for an emergency visit to UNM hospital, especially on Christmas Day!
Well, enough said, as I sit here typing away on the first day of Kwanzaa, it is twenty-seven degrees outside and snowing in Rio Rancho, where we’re going through a winter storm warning throughout New Mexico until Sunday. Hopefully you had a wonderful Christmas Day and as you look towards 2016, maybe you will keep this story in remembrance for your Christmas shopping in the future and may God continue to bless us, EVERYONE!
P.S. It’s the fig tree we should be keeping our eyes on anyway, regarding Israel or at the very least, talking about the olive tree. Shalom!
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